Self-Compassion
Self-Compassion
For those that don't like the concept...
Self-Compassion. Really?
Let’s be honest: Self-compassion doesn’t come easily to many people, but here in Glasgow, it’s like a foreign language!
We’re a self-deprecating bunch, more inclined to mock our quirks and shortcomings than celebrate our achievements. The idea of consciously being nice to ourselves? Well, that’s enough to make many of us roll our eyes and give a knowing look to a friend.
And yet, as our active community at Ready Sweat Go knows, self-compassion is crucial, especially for those who are always on the go. We often push ourselves to the limit, whether in training, work or life in general. When we inevitably fall short of our high standards, we’re quick to beat ourselves up rather than offer a little understanding or realise that it happens to us all.
Being cynical and quick to play yourself down is second nature to many of us.
Still, I’m learning that this needn’t be a barrier to practising self-compassion.
Trust me, if someone like me can do it, anyone can. It might not come naturally, but it’s a skill worth cultivating.
Hopefully, I will show you how without making you sneer too much along the way.
What is self-compassion?
It is possible to have your personal definition of what self-compassion means to you, but the most commonly cited overview online these days comes from Kristin Neff in 2003, stating self-compassion has three components:
- Self-kindness
- Common humanity
- Mindfulness
That’s not too many words, but it covers a lot of ground. It’s about being kind to yourself, thinking of others, and generally thinking—taking the time to think and being mindful of the consequences certain actions have.
Why is self-compassion so hard?
There are many reasons why self-compassion is difficult for many people. For me, and I’m sure many others, there’s a notion of ridiculousness associated with talking or thinking positively about yourself.
We just get on with things, and you don’t want to be seen as being full of yourself. For others, it’s possibly a fear of addressing your problems that stops you from focusing on this. You might even worry about opening up a raft of emotions in acting this way.
No matter the reason, being kind to yourself seems more challenging than it should be, but this doesn’t have to be the case.
Ways to be Self-Compassionate.
If you’d like to be kinder to yourself but don’t know where to start, don’t worry.
There are many quick and easy things you can do. More importantly, you don’t need to spend a lot of money to be nicer to yourself.
Sure, a Spa Day might be lovely, but you don’t need to go to that expense to treat yourself better.
Encourage yourself the way you’d encourage others.
Now, if you were to look at my WhatsApp chat groups with friends (and I hope no one ever does), you wouldn’t necessarily think we liked each other! Our friendships survive and thrive on jokes and wind-ups.
That’s the everyday, but when someone has a problem, people genuinely flock to them, supporting and encouraging.
I’m sure you will feel the same way when you see your friends in need of a pick-me-up. And that’s the thing: You simply need to support yourself in the way you’d instinctively support a friend—no more or less. Just be a friend to yourself.
Do something positive.
We’re all pushed for time these days, but if you have time to scroll through your phone or listen to podcasts for five minutes, you have time to do something that benefits you. Simple tasks like:
- Making and enjoying a healthy meal or snack
- Giving yourself time to rest
- Enjoy a long soak in the bath
- Going for a walk and giving your brain time to unwind or explore
- Breathwork
- Practice self-meditation
Making time for yourself alone is a great way to take better care of yourself and ensure you are better equipped to take on everything the world throws at you.
Self-kindness isn’t silly.
Self-kindness isn’t a silly thing, it can provide you with the platform to be a better, stronger and happier person.
Even if you’re still struggling with the idea of doing things for yourself, why not frame self-kindness as a way of ensuring you are well-placed to help others?
If you’re the sort of person who looks out for your kids, your partner, family members, friends, colleagues, or those in your community, being the best version of yourself will help others.
You will be more relaxed and typically more clear-minded, your nervous system will be calm and out of ‘fight or flight,’ and you can make better decisions for yourself and those around you.
So, there you have it, the solution that lets Glaswegians and those worldwide with similar outlooks indulge in self-compassion.
You can show yourself some kindness for your own benefit, or you can do so to ensure you better help others!
Sources:
Neff, K. D. (2003a). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualisation of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2, 85–101. - https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15298860309032
Exercise Isn’t Selfish, It’s An Act of Self-Compassion - https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/from-striving-to-thriving/202401/exercise-isnt-selfish-its-an-act-of-self-compassion
